csi_sanders1129 | Fic: Enough To Let Me Go

Title: Enough To Let Me Go
Chapters: 1/1
Author:

csi_sanders1129
Genre: Angst.
Ratings: T
Word Count: 1,050
Pairings/Characters: Jason Morgan, Damian Spinelli
Synopsis: Spinelli has his own opinions concerning Jason’s plan to sacrifice himself for Sonny and attempts to intervene.
Comments:
Ties in to April 13 and 14, 2010 episode. Friendship/subtext only. Title ganked from Switchfoot song of the same name. Characters aren’t mine, reviews are loved, enjoy!

"No."

Spinelli says the single word with more confidence and levelheadedness than Jason has ever heard from him. If it weren't that his mind had already been made up, he might've actually considered reconsidering.

As it stands though, he raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms over his chest. "No?"

"The Jackal will not allow Stone Cold to fall on the proverbial sword in this most perilous state of affairs. Just as it is your duty to be loyal and faithful to Mr. Sir, it is likewise mine to do the same for you. You can't go to prison for this, Jason. I won't let you."

Jason shakes his head, drags a hand over his face, paces across the living room hoping to get past the door Spinelli is blockading with the aid of his scooter contraption without resorting to violence. "You're not changing my mind, Spinelli. I'm going down to the PCPD and turning myself in just as soon as you get out of my way."

Spinelli leans back against the door, realizing that he really is the only person currently stopping the mobster from making this mistake. "No." He says again, because, honestly, it's all he can really think of.

"Come on Spinelli, there's no other way this can go down; you know it just as well as I do."

"You could let Sonny go to jail." He supplies, even though he knows Jason would never do that – just as he won't let Jason. "Or you could let me help you."

"Oh? And how are you going to do that? By tampering with some shred of evidence and then setting Raynor on you again? I don't want you touching this, got it?"

Spinelli frowns and nods his compliance. If Jason doesn't want him hacking for this, he won't, but that does not mean that he'll just step aside and let Jason do this. "'M still not moving." He mumbles out, confidence rapidly diminishing.

Jason steps closer and his hands land on Spinelli's shoulders, well prepared to simply relocate him a few feet to the right if necessary.

But, Spinelli's hands close around his wrists, holding tight, refusing to be moved though awkwardly balance on his good leg. "Why do you believe that you aren't worth anything? Why does Sonny have a right to his own life and liberties when you don't? Why does he get to have everyone and everything he cares about when all you do is sacrifice for the people you care about?" He's pleading, begging for answers to these questions that have been plaguing him since he'd gotten dragged into the Corinthos-Morgan dealings and if Jason is intent upon doing this, he's damn well going to get a reason out of it.

"Spinelli." Jason says with another long, deep sigh. "Move."

"No." Spinelli repeats, and the courage is back now. Every hesitation Jason makes, every second he stays is another chance to change his mind.

Jason does some sort of lightning fast move and Spinelli's grip on his arms falls away. Spinelli's own wrists are then pinned against the door on either side of his head. "I don't want to do this. I have to. For Michael and Morgan and Kristina and Molly and Josslyn. I have to, okay?" And he's angry and a little bit pissed off because Spinelli actually managed to make him react and he's not even sure who he's trying to convince anymore.

"Why?" Quiet and scared, Spinelli speaks again. "Would Sonny do the same for you, if the positions were reversed?"

The answer is an obvious 'no, not in a million years,' and they both know it.

"So, why should you be the one to give up everything, to lose everyone who cares about you, over a battle that isn't yours to fight?"

Jason's hands are still curled around Spinelli's wrists, but the grip loosens. He says nothing, because he doesn't have a reason. It's just how things work.

"As your protégé, shouldn't I be sacrificing for you the same way you are for Mr. Sir. Shouldn't I be the one taking the deal and going to jail, in order to protect you?" Spinelli changes angles on his argument, even if he doesn't particularly enjoy pressing this button.

"That isn't how it works." Jason glares down at him, eyes narrowed and stone cold manner invoked to prove just how much he doesn't like that idea. "I protect you."

"You can't protect everyone."

Jason shakes his head and let's go of Spinelli's arms. "I'm going." He says, tone final.

Spinelli stares at him, leveling him with an unreadable gaze that finally breaks away when Spinelli drops his head. "Then so am I. If Stone Cold is really intent upon doing this, then the Jackal is no longer needed in Port Charles. It was you I was loyal to and Mr. Sir has made it known that he does not particularly enjoy my presence here. So, upon your incarceration, if there is nothing you will allow me to do to aid you, I will… return to Oakfield, I suppose."

The moment following that speech is the closest Jason comes to permitting the mere idea of letting Sonny go to jail cross his mind. He pushes it away and pulls his keys from the pocket of his leather jacket and sets them on the desk. "Don't do that. The penthouse is yours now – your name is on all the paperwork. I… I won't be needing it."

"I'll stay for a while." Spinelli agrees, eyes locked on the sight of the abandoned keys. "I… I really, really don't like this, but, if you need me for anything, just… get Diane to call, I suppose."

Jason nods and steps back so that Spinelli can maneuver the scooter out of the way. The younger shifts to stand to the side of the door in silent surrender, but he catches Jason's arm as he tries to slip out.

"Spinelli-" He starts to say, expecting yet another in a long line of protests from the hacker.

What he gets is a long, long hug that he, for once, opts not to fight. And he pretends not to notice how much Spinelli is shaking and how much he wants this not to be goodbye.