csi_sanders1129 | Fic: Breaking The Silence

Title: Breaking The Silence
Chapters: 4/?
Author:

csi_sanders1129
Genre: Drama. Casefile. Romance. Hurt/Comfort. Angst.
Ratings: T
Word Count: ~1,500
Pairings/Characters: Jason Morgan/Damian Spinelli.
Synopsis: In which Spinelli gets in over his head with a Jackal PI case, Jason has his hands full dealing with the fall-out, and a serial killer is on the loose.
Comments: I started this a while ago, but recently started working on it again, with major help from suerum, who is - for the record, awesome - it's not quite done yet, but it's getting there. Set a bit in the future (November 2010-ish) and assumes Maxie and Spinelli broke up and that Jason and Sam have also called it quits again. Mix between a casefile fic and a regular drama/hurt/comfort/romance kind of fic. Major, major thanks to

suerum for helping me out on this. Original characters aren't mine, even though I may not actually want them. Reviews are awesome, and enjoy!

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |

Jason stayed until Spinelli was asleep.

Once he was sure the younger man's breathing had leveled out, slow and deep, he quietly pushed himself off the wall he'd been leaning against and slipped out of the dark room.

After a quick stop off in his room to grab a change of clothes for himself, he headed back to the bathroom to get his own shower. While he had been nowhere near as messy and bloody as Spinelli had been in the aftermath of what had happened at the house, he still was quite in need of one.

He made it quick, was out within moments and into a grey t-shirt and old black sweatpants. He'd go to sleep soon, too, just as soon as he cleaned up a bit. The scrubs they'd been sent home in ended up in the trash, the towels he piled up and tossed in the laundry.

After that, Jason found himself in the kitchen, fixing a quick bite to eat before heading to bed. He resisted the urge to grab a beer, settling for a bottle of water instead, and silently thought over what he would do to the sick freak who'd done this – whatever 'this' was, he still wasn't quite sure what had happened – to Spinelli.

It was somewhere in the midst of editing his plans so that they did not include mass quantities of blood – there were plenty of ways to do it. Perhaps strangulation. Or maybe he'd just break every bone in the guy's body first, and then strangle him – for his own sanity as well as for Spinelli's, when he heard it.

A loud, resounding 'thud' from upstairs. He was moving in milliseconds, he would not let Spinelli get hurt again.

"Spinelli!" He called out in warning, to assure the younger man that he was close, maybe so he wouldn't panic and try to walk on his injured leg again. "Spinelli, don't move!" He said, now just outside of the door to the pink room.

Spinelli was sprawled quite ungracefully on the floor about a foot away from the bed. Sheets and blankets trailed after his crumpled form and items from the nightstand were scattered around him, as it was clear he had grabbed at it in an attempt to stop his downward descent, but to no avail.

He was making that sound again, that heart-wrenching, pathetic mewling noise that had accompanied his last desperate, clambering attempt to get to Jason. Wide, panicked eyes locked on his form as he entered the room, flipping on the lights just before he fell to his knees beside his distressed protégé. The hand that landed on Spinelli's shoulder while the other tried to untangle him from the mess of sheets and blankets told Jason that Spinelli's heart was all but racing again, and his breath came in short pants.

"You're okay." Jason said, as he shifted Spinelli into a sitting position. "It's alright, you're okay."

Spinelli's anxious green eyes turned into accusing ones, glaring rather pointedly at Jason. He tried to pull away, but the sheets still tangled around him and the state of his leg prevented him from getting very far.

"Spinelli, stop – you'll hurt yourself." Jason said, reaching out to still the escape attempts.

But, then Spinelli was shoving hard at him, pushing him away and that certainly got Jason's undivided attention.

"What-" He started to protest, but Spinelli all out refused to look at him now, didn't even seem to hear him. He pulled away when Jason tried to stop him. Finally, it dawned on him - "Because I left?"

One singular, short, nod was the only answer he got.

He felt like an idiot. Here he was downstairs contemplating revenge instead of realizing just how damaged Spinelli actually was by his unknown experiences. He had to turn his head away for a moment to hide the expression in his eyes, he knew Spinelli would see the anger and think it was directed at him. And now wasn't the time for any further slip-ups.

This situation was already well beyond his comprehension. He just didn't naturally know how to deal with feelings; they were supposed to lie below the surface, controlled and hidden. He was out of his depth with this level of trauma and he was petrified that he didn't have the delicacy to handle it, to be there for Spinelli in the way he needed him to be. Yet, there wasn't anyone else, so, taking a deep breath he turned back to the younger man to find his eyes on him again, their depths filled with an accusing betrayal that threatened his own composure.

He reached out a hand toward Spinelli and was amazed at the sense of desolation he felt when the hacker pulled his head out of reach, his eyes still sparkling with distrust. He was biting his bottom lip and tears stood in his eyes, and Jason realized that he was actually shaking - small, constant tremors that were coursing up and down his entire body.

Jason swallowed and reached for the boy again. This time, he wrapped both arms around him and pulled him in closer. Spinelli didn't attempt to knock Jason away this time, but his entire body communicated his resistance as he stiffened, momentarily driving the tremors into submission.

Jason forged ahead, resting his chin on top of the soft, silky head and inhaling the smell of shampoo, he closed his eyes and started speaking, searching instinctively for the right words.

"I'm sorry," that part, anyway, was both true and easy, and somehow needed to be said more than once to convince the stubborn boy in his arms. "I shouldn't have left you, it was stupid and selfish of me, Spinelli." He paused, thinking of how to convince the younger man of his sincere repentance so he would once again be trusted. "I knew, I absolutely knew how scared you were and I said I would stay and then you woke up and I was gone. That was wrong of me, wasn't it?" He asked the question softly, his arms tightening fiercely around Spinelli as he awaited his response.

Again, there was a single nod, a once up and down bob of the head beneath his chin. "Yeah," Jason agreed, "I was a jerk and now you're thinking you can't trust me, right?" He stopped again, holding his breath as he prayed for an answer, for the hope that he was conducting the closest thing to a dialogue that Spinelli was capable of.

Once more, Spinelli gave a nod and Jason sighed, relieved to know he was at least listening. "So, maybe you could give me a second chance. I was stupid, I'll give you that," this time there wasn't any need for him to pause, the sharp up and down motion of Spinelli's head hit Jason's chin and caused him to inadvertently bite his tongue. He could taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth and the sudden spurt of pain felt like an appropriate punishment for his carelessness.

"Okay," he said wryly, "We're both agreed that I messed up but I didn't mean to scare you, do you believe me?" This was the crucial moment, and Jason tensed as he once again was forced to wait for Spinelli's reply. Seconds passed and Jason's heart plummeted, it looked like maybe they wouldn't get past what he had done. Just when he was getting ready to talk, to say anything, to beg for forgiveness, there was a reprieve - a slow, tentative nod. This time Spinelli turned, and ducking his neck looked back up at Jason.

The tears that had spilled out of his eyes were spilling down his cheeks, but his eyes were no longer filled with an unspoken hostility, they were soft with forgiveness and Jason felt an immeasurable weight lift from his shoulders. "You forgive me?" He asked softly, and this time the nod was quick and decisive.

"Okay," Jason said, swallowing over the sudden lump in his throat, "How about we try this again, and this time, I promise, I will stay. I will be here with you, awake or asleep, no matter what. Sound fair?" Anxious blue eyes met shadowed, exhausted green ones as Spinelli gave a final nod of acknowledgement and agreement.

"Alright." Jason said, heaving a sigh of relief now that Spinelli had acquiesced. "C'mon, then. Bed."

With Jason's aid, Spinelli was quickly unwound from the array of sheets and blankets tangled around him. By the time Jason had straightened the mess out and climbed in beside Spinelli, arms wrapped loosely around the hacker, Spinelli was already nearly asleep.

"I'll be here." Jason promised him again, as he pulled the blankets up and around them.